DMT had piqued my interest, and the book “DMT: The Spirit Molecule” played a significant role in my sudden awakening. It was now mid-December 2017, and I had done nothing but listen to podcasts and watch YouTube videos on the topic. I felt I had somewhat of a good understanding of DMT; I knew when you ingested it, as opposed to smoking it, you had a much longer experience, and that a shaman should be there to guide you. Smoking it was more of a businessman’s trip, 10 minutes of a tremendous up and down. Thanks Joe Rogan.
I was still deeply absorbed in my own insecurities, from my eyes to my hair, and everything in between. I had reached the conclusion that my eye was my wound in this lifetime. We all have a wound; this is how the light enters us. Mine was my eye, and I told this to the organiser of the event (Michelle) and the shaman during the sign-up process. I was so deeply insecure about this, you would have thought I was missing an eye the way I acted.
Regardless, they assured me everything was fine and that Mother Ayahuasca had a special gift for me. I became giddy with the expectation of a healed eye.
I took no chances….I set intentions. Bought more books to read. Made goals. I wrote to Mother Ayahuasca. I found protection mantras to recall in case of a bad trip. I even bought along sacred objects, and finally had fasted for 3 days.
Friday came around, and I drove for about 2 hours outside of Cape Town until I arrived at a small farm. The shaman was a South American named Don. Michelle was there, a woman named Aimee, 2 other women and 2 men, all in their 20s and 30s
The night came, and we all lined up to drink our cup of ayahuasca, which basically tastes like a spiced mud. I had fasted before the ceremony because I knew that intense vomiting and diarrhoea were probable with drinking the brew. I also wanted to be as clean as possible.
When I took my cup, Don said to me, “What’s once was yours shall return”
My eye.
I drank my little cup, sat back down on the floor, and waited. I knew it would take at least 30 minutes to feel it. The shaman started playing songs through a speaker.
Not much happened.
Then
When Devi Prayer – Hymn to Divine Mother came over the speaker, everything changed.
Waves.
Reality became a wave; nothing was constant; everything moved and flowed in a swaying pattern.
A wave of love and compassion enveloped me. I felt nothing but love for everyone and myself.
I randomly stood up and went and sat on a couch next to the shaman. This couch had a giant, fluffy pink heart on it. Everyone had avoided the couch and instead found space in much less comfortable places. The instant I stood up, I knew this place was made for me.
I crossed my legs, and started breathing long and deeply.
The feeling of absolute love and joy grew in the room, but, it was coming from me; I was radiating love and protection to everyone. I could feel it coming from my heart.
This wasn’t the first time I had experienced this; around that time, I was slowly learning that I could generate a field around me. I could even do it when I was much younger. I just wasn’t aware of what I was actually doing.
I’ve come to know this as my gift; I can create a large field of love and protection around me. It comes straight from the heart and grows around me. It needs to be held and focused on, and it can sometimes be difficult to breathe. It’s almost like having a giant inflatable ball; it’s light but difficult to hold at the same time.
The field is picked up by those around me, creating the oddest noises and sounds in my immediate environment. People and animals sense and react to it as I sit meditating alone in my room. Crows and Mourning Doves will call out and land outside my window. I’ll hear my neighbours laugh, sigh, or even start to make love. My fridge always clicked on or off, and I’ve had a cat come scratching at my door, additionally someone often phones me.
This is the first time I am writing about this, and I should write a lot more about it, but for now, the last thing I’ll add is that I cannot do it every time I want to; I need to be in touch with myself; grounded and focused.
To be honest, I haven’t been able to do it for a while.
Anyway
After a while of pure love, singing, protection, and joy, my mind shifted.
Sadness.
My pain.
The feeling of love grew smaller, the field lessened, and then I began to feel a connection to Aimee; it felt as though a cord stretched between us.
My heart felt heavier and heavier.
I felt pain, but struggled to cry.
I stoically burrowed my brow and sent the thoughts of my pain deep down, and as it turned out, straight to Aimee.
My deep pain was inaccessible to me; I needed her to reach it, and she did.
Aimee began sobbing deeply. I felt like I was holding her hand, or rather, she was holding mine. She sat on the other end of the room, but she might as well been next to me. I was still sitting on the couch in a meditative pose, my head down with a stiff upper lip. I felt like a soldier in that moment; deeply wounded but not permitted to show it.
She cried for a while.
I looked at the shaman, and he gave me a knowing look. He knew what was going on.
Soon, the cries died down, the energy shifted, and the shaman started singing “The river is flowing“. I knew the song from my spiritual studies.
Unprompted, I joined in:
The river is flowing,
Flowing and growing,
The river is flowing,
Down to the sea,
Mother carry me,
Your child I will always be,
Mother carry me,
Down to the sea,
Down to the sea.
My eyes were closed, but I remember hearing the shaman sharply spin his head around to look at me, yet, he never said a word and continued singing. He and I sang the entire song together, and never spoke a word about it afterwards.
I couldn’t help it; my voice just burst open.
I loved that moment.
An open throat Chakra is a wonderful thing.
The evening closed off, we all went to bed, utterly exhausted and completely reinvigorated, I somehow fell asleep.
Michael's musings 