I was a problem child, many people say that, but I do mean it. From a very young age I was extremely hyperactive, and would cause general havoc wherever I trod.
I was impossible to handle, I would zoom everywhere, do cartwheels in antique stores, headstands on airplanes, climb on every roof, and up every tree as well.
I watched TV upside down until I was 11
Internally, I was always far, far away. My little mind was always wondering about dinosaurs, or sharks, or stars, or birds, or cartoons, or that bad word mom said earlier. It was a million thoughts at once, with no attention paid to what was in front of me.
I fell. A lot.
My parents did not know how to manage me. I refused to sit still and could not grasp any kind of consequential thinking. Unfortunately, corporal punishment was the answer, and I paid my dues. Punishment was given from spanks and slaps, to wooden spoons and slippers, to the occasional fist (when I was older)
I don’t blame them, I’d probably have done the same. They coupled this treatment with high doses of Ritalin. I was on 12 a day at one point. All to get me to calm down and focus.
I have no idea how I passed school up to grade 8. Here, I was told I would fail the grade of the expensive private school I managed to scrape my way into.
I’d been weened off Ritalin for about 2 years before this, so off we went to the doctor who prescribed me Concerta; the drug that would become my crutch until Honours year in University. Look, it worked, it really helped me focus, but with horrible side-effects.
I wouldn’t eat or sleep, my mood was morbid, my body would shake and sweat horribly. I developed hyper-tension, and I’d chain smoke. Yet, despite these nasty side-effects, I passed school and university very well. I studied like a maniac, and regurgitated everything onto the exam; never really learning…. just memorizing each book 50 times over. Placebo effect was also a major player, if we’re being honest.
I managed to pass Honours with Magna Cum Laude and was thus relatively free to wonder off into the world and find my way.
I knew what I wanted…… jealously
I craved a big house, a fast car, to wear a suit everyday, to have millions in the bank, to have all the latest gadgets, a trophy wife, and to get hair implants for my sad little hair follicles which began falling out from a young age. These thoughts were around since school, and I thought highly of myself for being so ‘ambitious’.
I wanted people to envy me, and even hate me. I wanted it all; to be seen as rich, attractive, and successful. I admired Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl and aimed to be him.
As arrogant as my ambition was, I began as a humble truck mechanic and truck-trailer builder for the family business which I was now being groomed to take over. However, after nearly losing my life and limbs on the odd occasion, I decided to use my degree and heeded the call to adventure.
Horrible focus and heavy duty grinders do not equal happy endings.
There’s something else, something very painful I’m leaving out. Its the reason I’m typing this with an eye patch.
Life, as it turns out, is wonderfully cruel.
Michael's musings 